The Truth about Double Standards

FEMINIST - There are quite a few women out there who are expecting a double standard from their relationships.

ie. They want a man who treats them with respect and equality, but at the same time expects the man to be the sole breadwinner.

ie. I think it is ridiculous some women out there still expect the man to pay for their dinner/etc on a date.

#1. It makes you look like a gold digger.

#2. Its impolite.

#3. You should be independent and not dependent on the male for anything. If the male insists on paying, fine, let him have his ego trip, but don't expect him to pay all the time.

Applying this double standard of desiring equality and yet expecting the old treatment is backfiring and just creating more inequality. It backfires because the male either grows to resent your dependency or they expect sexual favours in exchange for your dependency. Its one or the other sadly. The male who can just give, not worry about it, and not expect anything in return is one in a billion.

Lets say you got on a date with a guy and he pays for the taxi, the meal, the movie tickets and drinks afterwards. In other words he pays for everything. He is EXPECTING SEX after the date.

Same goes with a marriage where the man is the sole breadwinner. If the woman is at home all the time what he is expecting is:

Food on the table.

A clean home to come home to.

Clean clothes.

Lots of sex regularly.

Essentially the housewife is a slave because in theory she has no life outside of the home. If she isn't performing her "wifely duties" in the bedroom then the man starts looking elsewhere for sex... secretaries, co-workers, affairs on the side. (And this is equally true for women sitting at home, bored and craving romance and sex on the side.)

Now it is true that at certain ages children can be a handful and it is wiser to have one parent stay at home to take care of the kids. But this task should be split equally between both parents so they have equal time to bond with their children. Its only blatant traditionalism that dictates the woman is the only one who can stay home and take care of the children.

Stay at Home Dads is a relatively new idea, but its a growing idea and one I feel deserves applause.

For women its simply not practical to be dependent on someone else for your finances. If the man ditches you and leaves you with nothing, what do you have to fall back on if you don't have any money of your own? It is far more practical to have your own career, your own money and be able to stand on your own two feet if the need ever arises.

"If you're going to wear the pants you have to pay for them yourself."

Christian Feminist lives Biblically for a Year

RELIGION - Rachel Held Evans describes herself as a Christian feminist and she has gone to great lengths over the last year to test out the Bible’s instructions for women as literally as possible.

The 30-year-old blogger and author from Dayton, Tennessee has spent a year doing the following...

She slept in a tent outside of her house while she was having her period (Leviticus 15: verses 19-33).

She praised her husband at the city gates (Proverbs 31: 23).

She made her own clothes (Proverbs 31: 22).

And she even spent some time on the roof contemplating her contentious ways. (“It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a contentious woman in a whole house.” — Proverbs 21:9.)

Evidently the last one was more for fun and to give herself some time alone to think.

“It was sort of like doing penance,” she says. “It was part of submitting to my husband, so I would spend time on the roof just seeing what it’s like to live in a house with me, a contentious woman. Now obviously that’s not in the Bible; that one was a definitely a stunt of my own making.”

Evans lives in a small community in the American Bible Belt, was raised as an evangelical, and she wanted to explore the idea of traditional Biblical womanhood and its meaning in modern society.

The conflict between conservative Christian and liberal feminist values may seem disparate beliefs that would hardly mesh, but she was drawn to the task and has been blogging about her exploits. A book is forthcoming in Autumn 2012.

“I really enjoy the contrast, conflict and the almost dissonance in scripture about women. I find that kind of encouraging because there’s not a single mould that women need to conform to. Really there’s no such thing as one biblical model for womanhood,” she says. “People are still trying to put (women) into categories and we don’t all fit. That’s true for the women in the Bible, too. They didn’t all fit easily either. On one hand, you’ve got Peter telling women to have a gentle and quiet spirit and, on the other hand, you have Jael who drove a tent peg into a guy’s skull, which is not exactly gentle and quiet.”

Evans was inspired by A.J. Jacobs’ book "The Year of Living Biblically". She loved the book, but felt that it would be very different if it was written from a female perspective. Conversations in her local evangelical culture made her want to challenge some of the assumptions about the ideal of Biblical womanhood.

She didn’t embrace polygamy however, which was a reality for many women in scripture.

The Truth About Women And Disability

Almost daily I hear friends and family tell me: “don’t stress”, don’t worry”, family will help you figure it out”. One thing that my friends can’t fully grasp is the effects of the socially imposed barriers that arise as a result of being a woman living with a disability. They find it difficult to relate to the very real circumstances we differently abled women face. These include feelings of isolation, unemployment, lack of easy access to available government services and more. It’s these manufactured societal attitudes which serve as a means of lowering ones’ self-worth thus disregarding the true essence of a female with a disability. In my opinion these truths are directly linked to the feminist notions around human rights, equality, low income standards and unemployment.

Being a young, university educated woman I too had aspirations of a successful career in Media and Communications. After five years of hard work like many women my age I attended a graduation ceremony where I received my diploma. Yet nothing prepared me for what was to come; years of struggling to find that job, countless interviews followed by rejection. One thing I was never told while in university was that my disability would dramatically lessen my chances for employment. However this is not simply about disability, these and other everyday barriers are being overcome by women who are perceived as visible minorities. More often than not this results in failure to access proper health care, controlled government assistance, social exclusion with minimal to no room for growth or self-advancement; which brings me to the idea of the invisible woman and the need to bridge the gap brought on by the social perception of the “acceptable norm” or normalcy.

The common societal argument is that any deviation from the “norm” should be medically or otherwise monitored, questioned or collectively frowned upon. Women (disabled women included), who do not fit the standard image of a professional, capable and independent individual should automatically be perceived as incapable, unable, and dependant; like the feminist movement, the disability movement as it relates to women, should focus on breaking down the many societal walls that create unfounded feelings of inferiority in us. It is this fear of being “socially perceived” or rather misperceived that prevents us, women in particular, from achieving our full potential. These misled ideas of dis-ability and the female embodiment are nothing but superficially levied social constraints that stand in the way of discovering the real the possibilities behind acceptance.

About two months ago I got married; I am a wife now, but also a dependant according to societal norms. I no longer receive financial support based on disability. My husband is my “primary” caregiver and although I now run a copywriting business; I am a dependant. My unstable income is seen as not enough to grant me the financial independence I crave. Despite my go-getter nature and an eagerness to get ahead, I know that in societal eyes, I will perhaps always be seen as someone who “needs help” from others, I will keep hearing words like: “you are not quite what we’re looking for”. There is a chance that my future children will be seen as children of a parent with a disability and the stigma that comes along with it.

The fact is, in this fast-paced world filled with constant societal pressures, perception is everything; more than anything else it is about that image of the perfect woman, the perfect, wife the perfect mother. Women like myself who have felt that pressure of knowing they will never fit the mold, also know this has to change. We all need to tell ourselves that we acknowledge that these societal norms are nothing but a way for others to shield themselves from that which they cannot explain. As women we need to stand up and let our voices be heard. Working towards a common norm where our collective differences are celebrated rather than judged is the key to personal and emotional freedom.

For more information on disability and feminism visit: http://disabledfeminists.com/blogroll

Also be sure to check out: http://www.feministezine.com/feminist/

The Truth about Rape & Sexual Assault

This post is a work in progress... the end result will be a chapter in my forthcoming book: Feminist Truths



If you've heard the old adage that rape isn't about sex, its about power, this is only partially true.



I would argue that rape is more about corrupt morality than anything else. Yes, the rapist abuses their power (whether it be physical strength or however they manage to abuse their victim), but the body of the rapist only does what the mind of the rapist tells it to do.



Therefore I think we need to look squarely at the mind of the rapist and consider what kind of morally corrupt person would rape another human being (not just women, although that is the obvious first choice of many men).



#1. We have to understand that rapists typically don't target women who are confident, because confident women fight back. Rapists typically go after small women who are physically weak.



#2. Rapists look for women who are "mouse-like" in terms of their lack of confidence. They see these women as less of a threat and more easy to control mentally. A less confident woman is less likely to go to the police afterwards. (Most rape victims never tell anyone. They are more likely to tell a best friend or a priest than go to the police.)



#3. It has nothing to do with how a woman dresses (date rape is a whole other topic I will get to later). A woman who dresses with confidence is less likely to be raped.



#4.



#5.



I'll add more later... bed time.

Why Anti-Feminists should be Pro-Choice

ABORTION - In theory anti-feminist men (who constantly complain about having to pay child support and spousal support for children they sired) should be leading the fight for the right to legal abortions. Not just in Europe or North America, but globally.



And the reasoning is simple...



Men who fear being a parent and the responsibilities that come with it (ie. marriage, child support, etc.) should be in the front line of people asking / demanding that safe and legal abortions become a global phenomenon, and that a woman's right to choose an abortion (and it is a CHOICE) should be respected in the same way we respect anti-slavery laws.



Without that choice and that right the woman becomes a slave.



It is true there are men out there who are anti-feminists and anti-choice, but they're often (perhaps even always) coming from a religious perspective. They would very quickly change their minds if they had some children out of wedlock and started paying child support. (In other words they're hypocrites. They might claim they would support the child, but many of them would likely end up being deadbeat dads.)



And that is truth of the matter.



Criminalizing Women



Every Woman's Right to Choose



Wombs for Rent

The Truth about Feminist Videos on YouTube

Yeehaw! The following is some examples of feminist videos I found on YouTube, mostly ones which mention the word 'truth' somewhere. Maybe I will do another post later with feminist justice as the theme.







































There is also a whole slew of anti feminist videos, but I shan't be posting none of that garbage because they don't need the advertising.



There's also "response" videos, which are basically just video bloggers arguing back and forth. Nobody wins in those arguments because the bigots have already made up their minds.

Women's Unemployment in Britain

Unemployment figures out today show that women’s unemployment in Britain is now at its highest level in more than 30 years – 1.05 million women are now unemployed, the highest figure since May 1988. More than half a million women - 512,700 - are now claiming job seekers allowance - the highest figure since April 1996.



In related news...



A new report from the Equality and Human Rights Commission is warning it will take another 60 years – or 12 general elections - to achieve an equal number of women MPs.



The report, "Sex and Power", also found that the number of women in the Cabinet has fallen to its lowest level in a decade. Women are similarly absent from the top tables of media, business, the judiciary, the arts and the education sector.

The Truth about Bigots

The following is an excerpt from one of the chapters from my forthcoming book "Feminist Truths". This is not the final draft of the chapter.



A bigot is a person who is obstinately or intolerantly devoted to his or her own opinions and prejudices, often exhibiting intolerance / animosity towards others whom they consider different usually on the basis of sex, race, ethnicity, religion, nationality, inter-regional prejudice, gender, sexual orientation, etc. Often they have particularly ideology.



In the case of feminism the anti-thesis therefore is a sexist bigot, a person who is intolerant and prejudiced against women... a "woman hater".



The origin of the word bigot in English dates back to at least 1598, via Middle French, and referred to at the time a "religious hypocrite". The exact origin of the word is unknown, but it may be from the German phrase "bei gott"



Etymology aside, sexist bigots are essentially why there is a feminist movement in the first place.



Bigotry is largely a learned behaviour.



We could debate the causes as being influenced by parents, family members, friends, peers, teachers, past lovers, etc... Lots of blame to go around. Although stubborness is often considered a hereditary trait, nobody is born a bigot. Parents teach their kids a variety of behavioural things by accident / design and once children are imprinted with these skills / habits they grow.



Thus a father who hates women will often make sexist comments and impressionable children pick up on these things. By the time they are teenagers these children are either following in their parental footsteps, rebelling against their parents, or both.



One might argue therefore that sexism will never be eradicated simply because bigotry will be passed from one generation to the next... however the degree to which it is passed on is lessened. Each generation is less sexist than the one before because they are also being influenced by friends, teachers, peers and society in general.



As society becomes more focused on equality for women and men, bigotry is reduced in incremental amounts.



We can see this more dramatically overseas in Africa and Asia where feminism is growing at a faster rate and will someday catch up to feminism in Western Culture.



We also know that bigots are being left behind. They are less likely to get married, if they do produce children there are more mothers who are willing to be single mothers now (thanks to government enforced child support payments), which means bigots aren't passing on their faulty beliefs unto their children as often as they used to.



So the good news is that bigots are an endangered species, but will probably always be there.



To some extent we should be secretly thankful to bigots. They keep feminists on their toes and give us something to be angry about. Anger can be an inspiring thing when used in a righteous way.



I'd argue however that you can't let that anger become hate however. That leads down the path of Zealotry / male hating. (*cough cough, hate leads to the Dark Side*)



As feminists we have to be better than the bigots. We have to stand for Truth, Justice and Equality... and to do so we need to behave with honour and virtue without personal bias, unlike the bigots who are ruled only by their hate and prejudices.

The Truth about Zealotry

The following is an excerpt from one of the chapters from my forthcoming book "Feminist Truths". This is not the final draft of the chapter.



Not all women are feminists.



Some women, sadly, are zealots. More specifically, they're male hating zealots, and they will use lies, trickery, subterfuge and any number of unethical things to accomplish things which have nothing to do with equality, but are all about hatred and revenge against the male half of the species.



These zealots give feminism a bad reputation and its one we have to live with.



Now you might wonder how they ended up this way.



The truth is these women have suffered and been traumatized, usually the result of bad relationships and they have become (for lack of a better phrase) "damaged goods". Any male readers out there will know what I am talking about.



We're talking about women who have been traumatized so many times in relationships that they've lost the ability to trust, to love and instead have become consumed with hatred of men.



Now I don't have any statistics of what percentage of women are zealots. Based on the percentage of women who suffer sexual abuse during their lifetime (one in three) and based on the number of women who have been in bad relationships (ie. divorced) we can estimate that the number of women who are 'male hating zealots' is actually quite high.



I should note however that zealotry doesn't mean they believe in female superiority. Based on personal experience I would say there is a very tiny percentage of women who believe women are superior. Almost nil.



I should also note that zealots still believe in equality, but from a very warped perspective and with an 'any means necessary' approach which rubs people the wrong way and thus gives them a bad reputation. The zealots might claim to be "Radical Feminists", but unless they can actually quote historical examples of radical feminists I think they're just bullshitting you.



I believe in the practical approach to feminism. Think with your brain, not your bruised ego. If you are going to marching or doing any kind of feminist activism you need to be smart about it and thinking about optics.



ie. If you behave like a belligerent idiot people will treat you as such.



But if you behave calmly, rationally and still stand up for women's rights then you are a shining example of feminism in action. You want to be Lady Liberty lighting the way to equality... not a male-hating Amazon and poster child for the anti feminist movement.



Its all about leading by example. You have to be better than the people who stoop to such levels.



I would argue that some women out there need to examine their own morality of what is right and wrong. If they foster goodness and discipline themselves by keeping equality on their mind (and not being distracted by anger) then they will be able to build upon and create a strong sense of morality which will be like a lighthouse to them in the dark storms of patriarchal society.



If you lose your way and get drawn down the road of anger (and I am sorry for paraphrasing Yoda from Star Wars), well then anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering, suffering leads to the Dark Side. Oooooo!



Let feminism and equality be your guiding light. Going down the path of zealotry will only cause you more anguish than its actually worth.



Imagine 2 women with the exact same boyfriend. It turns out he is cheating on them both. Worse, he ends up stealing both of their rent money / cleaning out their bank accounts and the 2 women end up having to move in with friends.



'Woman A' forgives and forgets. She chalks it down as a lesson learned and will be more cautious about who she shares her bank account info with. Years later she doesn't even remember whatshisname's name.



'Woman B' bears a grudge, not just against the jerk who stole her money, but also against 'Woman A' whom she blames for stealing her boyfriend away. Over time and more bad relationships 'Woman B' begins to hate and despise all men, becoming what men commonly call "damaged goods".



But Woman B doesn't stop there. When she expresses herself in some therapeutic way (ie. art with castrated men) it ends up becoming pretty clear that she has become a zealot.



I believe however (because I've seen it happen) that zealotry can be cured over time.



I will cite the example of Canadian artist Victoria Van Dyke.



When not even a teenager Victoria Van Dyke was used as a body shield by her own father in a police stand off. Later when she was placed in a foster home she was raped and sexually abused for years by her foster brother and foster father. Its no surprise that she lost all trust for men. Suicidal and suffering from severe depression Victoria was in a mental asylum for many years before finally being declared fit enough to re-enter society. During that time however she produced a wide array of poetry and artwork dealing with her own trauma and also her desire to castrate sex criminals.



However with time even damaged goods like Victoria Van Dyke recovered. She doesn't write poetry or make art any more, but is in university. As to the reason why she recovered I have here an excerpt from an email she sent me:



"I realized that the stress was getting to me. The constant stress just seemed to erupt like a volcano and I found the more I dwelled on the unhappy thoughts of my abused teen years the unhappier I became. I needed a break from being unhappy all the time and one day I just decided no more."



"You might say I went cold turkey. I just stopped hating myself. I stopped making art, stopped writing. I threw out all my depressing clothing. I only buy clothing I consider happy looking now. I took up exercising and going outside."



"I have more friends now too. People I can actually talk to. I still talk about my past, but its more like a footnote now. I started making art again recently, and I might make my own website sometime to promote my art and poetry. The big difference however is that the stuff I make now is much more happy and sensual. I get more joy and release from making art which makes people laugh."



"You might say its all about thinking positively, but I think it was really that one day where I finally decided enough was enough. I was tired of the sexual abuse from years ago messing with my life. I just wanted to get on with my life and find happiness."



- Victoria Van Dyke



And there you have it, a reformed zealot who suffered years of sexual abuse. It broke her down emotionally until she simply couldn't take it any more and she had a mental epiphany.



Sadly I don't think many zealots have that mental epiphany. They end up hating and blaming men for the rest of their lives.



But maybe, if we're lucky, a few will read this chapter and realize that the path of hate isn't helping them and they will learn from Victoria's example.



A true feminist doesn't hate men. She learns to live with them and tries to teach them the truth about equality.

How to Pick a Fight with Sexist Pigs

Recommendation #1. Never pick a fight with a super famous celebrity. Why? Because when and if they Google their name your website will be lost in a long list of websites both praising them and dissing them. Plus super famous celebrities are being dissed constantly so you'd really be piling on the bandwagon and its unnecessary.



Thus ideally what you want to do is pick a fight with someone who is vaguely famous or semi famous, someone who is an egomaniac and Googles their own name regularly.



Recommendation #2. Research your target. Don't just pick them because they stuck their foot in their mouth more than once. You should try and determine how whether this person is a genuine scumbag or whether they just maybe a whoops.



ie. Comedian Michael Richards losing his temper at hecklers and using the N word. That was a BIG whoops and he later apologized for it. Another example is Mel Gibson's drunken anti-Israel rant, blaming Israel for why there is war in the Middle East, something which he later apologized for. These are extreme examples of sticking your foot in your mouth.



No, what I mean is you should only go after people who are unrepentant sexist pigs. Meaning they don't apologize, they refuse to admit their guilt and they instead continue to consistently make sexist comments.



One way to determine who these people are is to visit anti feminist websites or Facebook groups and track which people are saying bad things about women or feminists.



Recommendation #3. Stay local if you can. ie. The local mayor, city councilor, MP or pseudo-celebrity makes a much better target.



ie. I would love to go after Lord Maurice Glasman (British House of Lords) for making a variety of comments about immigrants in the UK, but he hasn't said anything about women so I am picking my battles here.



Recommendation #4. Don't bother with them if you don't REALLY despise them. You will get bored quickly of arguing / picking a fight with someone who is kinda blah in the first place.



Recommendation #5. Email them directly and keep copies of all their responses. You are looking for the angry belligerent tidbit where they show their true colours, but remember to...



Recommendation #6. Always stick to the TRUTH! Your argument against them has to be credible. Don't go making up phony quotes. Honesty is the best policy.



Recommendation #7. Video is even better. Catch them on video using the C word or something like that and their a** is grass!



Recommendation #8. Avoid excessive name calling and losing your temper. Keep your argument based on reason, logic and facts. Its much harder to argue against facts.\\

Recommendation #9. Remember your goal is to make this discussion public. ie. A message board may be a good place to start.



Recommendation #10. There are pros and cons to going after someone who is stubborn. Pro, they're likely to say a variety of stupid things out of anger / sheer stubbornness. Con, this isn't an argument you will win because they will never admit defeat. Your goal therefore is to bombard them with enough facts and well reasoned arguments that they eventually give up talking to you, even though they refuse to concede they were wrong.



Notes



While it is sometimes fun to ridicule their poor grammar / spelling / lack of brain power, don't keep bringing up their lack of intelligence. Throwing insults won't win the argument. Your goal is to unveil their bigotry so that other people can see what they're doing is wrong and then make their own decision whether that person deserves to be ostracized.



If they send you hatemail first (ie. they are picking a fight with you) try and research who they are before responding to their hatemail.



Don't say anything you might later regret. If you stick to the truth you can't go wrong.