Real Men Don't Buy Girls

This is a human rights issue. This is a family issue. This is a feminist issue.

#1. An estimated one million children are forced to work in the global sex industry every year.

#2. The global sex slavery market generates a $39 billion profit annually.

#3. Selling young girls is more profitable than trafficking drugs or weapons.

Celebrities are taking part in the Real Men Don't Buy Girls campaign. Be part of this campaign and spread awareness.

Responses to Domestic Violence in Popular Music

By Liz- Guest Writer

Suzanne just posted the video and lyrics to Eve’s “Love is Blind,” so I thought I’d go a little deeper into how violence in music and music videos by women is treated. I'm just looking at songs by women about violent responses to abuse. There are a whole host of songs, some awful, some poignant, about domestic abuse as experience by women, but I'm looking at how retributive female violence is expressed in music and music videos. Here we go.

Lil’ Kim is perhaps best known for her ultra-sexual lyrics and image. Her lyrical style is biting, and often features sexualized lyrics that have been called both revolutionary and highly self-exploitative. In his article, ""Unladylike Divas": Language, Gender, and Female Gangsta Rappers," Jason Haugen situates women in gangsta rap within a series of complex narratives about violence, agency, and dominance:

It is perhaps here that the appearance of females, given dominant notions of gendered expectations for women, is most unexpected, in that femininity is widely associated with vulnerability and masculinity with dangerousness, which is often reflected in disjunctive levels of perceived threat. Not only do the women of gangsta rap engage in the discourse about violence that occurs in the narratives of their songs; they place themselves within those narratives and often at the heart of the violence (437).

Haugen cites Lil’ Kim’s song “Spend a Little Doe,” in which Kim positions herself as a proud gangstress and kills an ex-boyfriend over his indiscretions while she was in jail as pushing the envelope of gendered expectations. This sort of retributive attitude and appropriation of masculine gangsta power by female gangsta rappers is not only used by Lil’ Kim. In her revenge-anthem, “Love is Blind,” Eve addresses her dead friend’s ex-boyfriend/ murderer asking him rhetorical questions like, “How would you feel if she held you down and raped you?” and referencing his various sustained abuses against her friend as justification for her growing resentment and homicidal fantasies. She begins each verse by saying “I don’t even know you and…” with the each “and—” escalating from “—and I hate you” to “—and I’d kill you myself” and finally, “—and I want you dead.”

The violent and highly sexual imagery used by hardcore female gangsta rappers can be interpreted as a direct response to the degradation women experience through the words of male gangsta rappers--a sort of "eye-for-an-eye" mentality.

But violence exists outside of gangsta rap. The Dixie Chicks’ song “Goodbye Earl” peaked at #19 on the Billboard Hot 100 charts, and #13 on the country charts. The music video for the song employs black humor, and despite the serious nature of Wanda’s abuse in the song, the feel of it is pretty upbeat. And with lyrics like, “Let’s go out to the lake/ We’ll pack a lunch!/ And stuff you in the trunk, Earl,” it’s hard to categorize the song as a downer. Zombie-Earl even makes an appearance in the end of the music video and dances along with Wanda and Marianne, whose friendship has triumphed over Earl’s abuse.

In the same genre, Martina McBride’s hit “Independence Day” peaked at #12 on US country charts, and has an entirely different feel than “Goodbye Earl.” Perhaps the chorus will illuminate the difference:

Let freedom ring, let the white dove sing
Let the whole world know that today
Is a day of reckoning.
Let the weak be strong,let the right be wrong
Roll the stone away, let the guilty pay
It's Independence Day.

Independence Day, for Martina McBride, is about straight-up justice. In the last verse she sings, “Now I ain’t sayin’ it’s right or it’s wrong/but maybe it’s the only way/to talk about your revolution/it’s Independence Day.” (As a side note: I went to the 4th of July celebration in Boston this past year and Martina McBride was the headlining singer and sang this one. Although I like the song, it seemed like an odd choice.) McBride frames the woman's decision to fight back against her abusive husband and light up the sky by burning him to death as a patriotic move. She sings alternatively in front of flowing American flags and images of a burning house, clearly positioning "independence" as an act of agency that is relatable--after all, country music is all about patriotism.



And I think here we see a common thread in modern songs by female artists about responding to domestic abuse. Female violence in these songs has a purpose: to punish the men who have wronged them. And certainly there’s a spectrum—Kim’s vendetta is against a man who cheated on her and abandoned her while she was in jail, Eve commits violence in the memory of her friend, the Dixie Chicks sing about friends banding together to seek revenge on an abusive husband, and Martina McBride sings about a young girl’s experience watching her mother hit the breaking point.

Miranda Lambert sings another song about responding to domestic abuse in "Gunpowder & Lead." Here's the chorus: "I'm goin' home, gonna load my shotgun/Wait by the door and light a cigarette/ If he wants a fight well now he's got one/ And he ain't seen me crazy yet/He slap my face and he shook me like a rag doll/ Don't that sound like a real man/ I'm going to show him what a little girls made of/Gunpowder and lead."

Violence against men by women in all of these--fairly mainstream-- songs (with the exception of "Spend a Little Doe") is very clearly framed. These women were being severely abused. They were pushed to the breaking point, and their own lives were in danger.

Rihanna paints a more ambiguous picture in "Man Down." The most obvious interpretation is that her psychological anguish is about killing her rapist. When the video was released in June, the shit hit the proverbial fan. Which, is your average week post-release of a Rihanna music video. If there isn't some group or another complaining about her music videos, then clearly the world has ended. Brittney Cooper of the Crunk Feminist Collective made the good point that, "...[C]ritics say that Rihanna perpetuates violence rather than urging young women to get help. The most ignorant and illegitimate of these critics argued that ’If Chris Brown shot a woman in his new video, the world would stop. Rihanna should not get a pass. The video is far from broadcast worthy.’ That statement is what one would call 'an exercise in missing the point.'"

"Man Down" is not the same kind of black and white justice-grabbing video or song of the Dixie Chicks, Eve, Miranda Lambert or Martina McBride. Cooper also said, "this video shows a young Black female rape victim, vulnerable and hurt, struggling with how to make sense of the act of violence perpetrated on her. She makes a choice that many would and have made, and rather than banning this video, we need access to grapple with its moral and political implications as a community." We tend to like our justice in plain terms, and the fact that Rihanna is singing about feeling bad for the her rapist and his family after she shoots him complicates the narrative of good triumphing over evil.

Cooper also makes a good point in saying that she doesn't think there would be the same critical reaction of the video if Rihanna were a white woman. Sure. People complained about "Goodbye Earl" or "Independence Day" when they came out, but not to the same degree of hand-wringing and pearl clutching that "Man Down" got. Rihanna's position as a WOC definitely makes her a bigger target for criticism, but probably realistically, Rihanna has the most complex depiction of retributive female violence in her song. "Goodbye Earl" is more like a fantasy, and most songs about retributive female violence end abruptly after the death (narratively, at least).

"Man Down" at least gives the interesting perspective that matching violence with violence does not immediately solve all problems. Talking to a therapist doesn't really make good subject matter for the pop charts, but we as listeners get a look into her portrayal of a woman in the middle of a really complex healing process.

Ultimately... all of these songs are escapes. 1993's Defending Our Lives and 2009's Sin By Silence both document the experiences of women who kill their abusers and end up in jail for it. Which is not even to get into how violence perpetrated by women against men versus violence perpetrated by men against women is treated in the media. Women get a lot more airtime and sensationalistic coverage. Even if these songs are not true, I'm glad they're being sung because having this kind of discourse (was it right? what is real justice in this situation?) is a reminder that there are lots of women (and people in general) who experience violence and are pushed to one breaking point or another, whether or not it results in violence toward another person, and we should be talking about it.

Liz blogs about feminism, current events, pop culture and teens at Our Turn: Feminism for Newbies.

"Love is Blind" by Eve

ENTERTAINMENT - Here is a good song for anyone who is upset about domestic violence. Kudos to American rapper Eve for making this song.




"Love Is Blind" Lyrics

Hey, yo I don't even know you and I hate you
See all I know is that my girlfriend used to date you
How would you feel if she held you down and raped you?
Tried and tried, but she never could escape you

She was in love and I'd ask her how? I mean why?
What kind of love from a n*gga would black your eye?
What kind of love from a n*gga every night make you cry?
What kind of love from a n*gga make you wish he would die?
I mean shit he bought you things and gave you diamond rings
But them things wasn't worth none of the pain that he brings

And you stayed, what made you fall for him?
That n*gga had the power to make you crawl for him
I thought you was a doctor be on call for him
Smacked you down cause he said you was too tall for him, huh?
That wasn't love, babygirl you was dreamin'
I could have killed you when you said your seed was growin' from his semen

[1] - Love is blind, and it will take over your mind
What you think is love, is truly not
You need to elevate and find

[Repeat 1]

I don't even know you and I'd kill you myself
You played with her like a doll and put her back on the shelf
Wouldn't let her go to school and better herself
She had a baby by your ass and you ain't giving no help

Uh-huh big time hustler, snake motherf*cker
One's born everyday and everyday she was your sucker
How could you beat the mother of your kids?
How could you tell her that you love her?

Don't give a f*ck if she lives
She told me she would leave you, I admit it she did
But came back, made up a lie about you missing your kids
Sweet kisses, baby ain't even know she was your mistress

Had to deal with fist fights and phone calls from your bitches
Floss like you possess her, tellin' me to mind my business
Said that it was her life and stay the f*ck out of it
I tried and said just for him I'll keep a ready clip

[Repeat 1 (2x)]

I don't even know you and I want you dead
Don't know the facts but I saw the blood pour from her head
See I laid down beside her in the hospital bed
And about two hours later, doctors said she was dead

Had the nerve to show up at her mother's house the next day
To come and pay your respects and help the family pray
Even knelt down on one knee and let a tear drop
And before you had a chance to get up
You heard my gun cock

Prayin' to me now, I ain't God but I'll pretend
I ain't start your life but n*gga I'mma bring it to an end
And I did, clear shots and no regrets, never
Cops comin' lock me under the jail
N*gga whatever my bitch, f*ck it my sister
You could never figure out even if I let you live
What our love was all about
I considered her my blood and it don't come no thicker

[Repeat 1]

But what does this have to do with feminism???

ART HISTORY - So I was browsing on artfem.tv and I found this video called "Reptilica" by Barbara Agreste...

And my basic response was "But what does this have to do with feminism???"

You see artfem.tv promotes feminist art. No problem there. Its what I was looking for.

But the video "Reptilica" was art... but it had nothing to do with feminism. Yes there was a woman in the video, and some leaves and worms, and something that looked like they might be worm eggs (not sure, hard to tell), but there was no men in the video, nothing about equality... it didn't even have a plot.



You see this is part of a larger problem I see in the feminist movement... its stuff that is female, but has nothing to do with actual feminism.

ie. If I photograph a woman and she is just sitting there not doing anything, is that feminist? No. There is no narrative. Its too meaningless. People might look at it and think its advertising the clothes she is wearing. I might as well paint an abstract painting and give it a feminist slogan for the title and that would have more meaning to it.

Feminism is about equality and pushing the boundaries of what people think is acceptable for women to do (and hopefully making people realize there is NO BOUNDARIES). Women with careers, women in sports, women in politics, women balancing the needs of family with their own needs to be happy.

My apologies to Barbara Agreste, but I am sorry I don't know why artfem.tv put your video on their website .Sadly her video isn't the only one which is off topic... there are numerous other videos that I scratch my head and say, wow, what is the point of this meaningless fluff?

I would find more feminist meaning watching Britain's Top Model (in a reverse thinking sort of way)... and because any show that glorifies beauty over brains deserves to be mocked.



Conclusions? Yes, Britain's Top Model isn't art... its not even good television. But watched from a feminist perspective and you realize just how desperate some young women are because they haven't explored the option of using the brains to earn money instead.

Not that money brings you happiness anyway. For that you need a balanced lifestyle... but that is another topic for another day.

12 Feminist Anthems

ENTERTAINMENT - Looking for feminist music that is more mainstream? Here you go! :)

#1. Salt-n-Pepa, 'None of Your Business'

With a chorus like "If I wanna take a guy home with me tonight, It's none of your business!" the point is made clear.



#2. Destiny's Child, 'Independent Women'

There is a very strong feminist undertone to all of Destiny's Child's music. This one especially.



#3. Nina Simone, 'Four Women'

A slow song, but a poignant song about identity.



#4. Team Dresch, 'She's Amazing'

Considered by some to be the greatest all female punk band of the 1990s. A must have for Riot Grrls.



#5. Patti Smith, 'Piss Factory'

Ever had a dead end job? This one will make you think.



#6. Bikini Kill, 'Rebel Girl'

Cuz Rebel Girl, you're the Queen of My World. :)



#7. The Raincoats, 'Lola'

More for the lesbian and dyke crowd, but hey, its all good. The Raincoats version adds an extra element to the original song.



#8. Bratmobile, 'Cool Schmool'

More for the bratty riot grrl crowd so not quite mainstream per se, but listen closely to the lyrics.



#9. Carole King, '(You Make Me Feel Like A) Natural Woman'

You have to listen to the whole thing to truly appreciate the feminist elements of it. Not just a love song. Its about being natural, without the need for makeup, botox, surgery or any of that nonsense.



#10. Aretha Franklin, 'Respect'

Seriously, the greatest feminist anthem of all time. Huzzah!



#11. Destiny's Child - 'Survivor'

Yeah I know there is 2 Destiny's Child songs on this list. What can I say, they really know how to pump up that self-esteem and anyone who increase self-esteem is good in my opinion.



#12. Ani DiFranco... all of her songs!!! 'Blood in the Boardroom'

Because what list of feminist anthem songs would be complete without Ani F*cking DiFranco??? Ani has over 200 songs and the vast majority of them have a feminist theme. The following is one that all women can identify with.

The Truth about Girl Gamers

ENTERTAINMENT - The inspiration for this blog post came to me from Amanda Kirby from La'Riot. Give her all the credit.

Ah... girl gamers.

Now there is a rare breed.

Nerdy, addicted to videos games (or cards / board / dice / roleplaying games in the case of Magic the Gathering, Warhammer, Dungeons & Dragons, etc), and are metaphorically kittens amongst lions when it comes to the gaming industry. (Kittens with claws!)

Women gamers are very rare. That doesn't mean they're any less good at what they do. Women gamers have sharp analytical minds and can kicka$$ as much as the men do (with the possible side benefit that they don't have the male ego and can sometimes surprise their ego-prone male counterparts with their sophisticated strategy and skills).

The problem however is that because they're so rare girl gamers are often prone to sexism. They're the sex symbols of the gaming industry. What every male gamer wants: A female gamer they can play with and frolic with after the game is over.

Talk about pleasure junkies.

What is interesting is why there is so few female gamers.

#1. Females are not the target audience when game designers sit down. They know most games are action packed adventures or war strategy games... and they're aimed at men. Very few games (ie. The Sims) are aimed at women.

#2. Pink controllers is really just an insult. (Real girl gamers don't buy pink controllers... because they're playing the blood and gore games just like the guys do.)

#3. Women crave more intelligence in their games. Playing a mindless game gets boring regardless of what gender you are, but men will play mindless games if there is the least hint of sexually enticing images along the way.

#4. Playing video games is considered to be nerdy / masculine hobby and many women don't want to be associated with being a tomboy or nerdy. Darn stereotypes.

#5. Women tend to spend their money differently. Gaming is an expensive hobby to get into. Gym memberships are cheaper comparatively, which explains why there is so many more women at the gym.

#6. Gaming is associated with being fat and lazy couch potatoes. (Another reason why gym memberships are more popular.)

#7. Fear of social rejection. "Oh you play video games?" *sound of disgust in the person's voice* Video games is considered low brow. Its not chic.

#8. Sexism in video graphics. This is a biggie. Because so many video game companies market towards men they often make the graphics as sexually revealing as they dare in an effort to sell more product and keep men coming back for more pixelated mammaries. Part of this is because nerds have difficulty finding girlfriends and thus have lots of money to spend since they're evidently not spending it on dates. Don't expect the women in the graphics to be realistic. (Although we could say the same about women on reality TV shows that are less than realistic shapes too. It really should be called Phony TV.)

#9. Videos games often have fantasy / sci-fi / war plots that are uninteresting to many women. Its too macho.

Check out the website girlgamer.com if you want to learn more.

For years now the video game industry has been bigger than the movie industry. Its estimated it may someday even dwarf the p*rn industry because of all the free p*rn now available via the internet. In the combat for the wallets of men, the gaming industry is winning all the way and its just a matter of time before it dwarfs other industries too.

On a separate note:

I have a theory about obesity rates in the USA. Television alone didn't cause obesity rates to skyrocket. But when videos games and the internet became popular during the 1990s obesity rates began to skyrocket. Suddenly more Americans were watching television AND spending time in front of computer games or on the internet. As the internet usage skyrocketed so did obesity in America.

So if you want to play games, go ahead. But try to get outside and exercise more often.

Or better yet, buy a Wii Fit and do both. :)

The Truth about Tati Kalveks

ENTERTAINMENT - I love feminist musicians.

The problem with feminist musicians however is often they are amateurs and the quality of their recordings frankly suck...

But this doesn't mean their performances aren't good. They're great, its simply a problem of finding the opportunity to properly record their music in a studio.

Lets take Tati Kalveks as an example. A feminist singer/songwriter, just 18 years old. Still wet behind the ears. You look for videos of her work online and you find these on YouTube:





Now right away you realize the sound quality is low. You can hear laughter from the audience. Its to be expected from a live performance.

To be fair Tati Kalveks is very early in her career right now too. Given time we will likely get better quality recordings.

I like her lyrics and I hope she does well.

Crazy Stuff People Say to Feminists

FEMINIST - All women are feminists. What is sad is the women who don't realize they are feminist and have confused feminism with male-hating.

Check out the video below to see some of the crazy stuff people say to "non closet" feminists. By 'non closet' I mean activist feminists. Out there actually doing something about it. There are tonnes of women out there whom I would describe as 'closet feminists', meaning they support women's rights but they don't make activism part of their regular lifestyle.

A video worth watching: Miss Representation Trailer

ENTERTAINMENT/POLITICS - I highly recommend everyone watch this video. It will make you THINK.

The Truth about Fashion Models and Plus Size Models

In 1992 the average American woman in her 20s weighed 132 lbs.

In 1992 the average fashion model weighed 120 lbs (8% less than the average).

In 2012 the average fashion model weighs 102 lbs (23% less than the average).

In 2002 plus-size models were considered to be between size 12 and 18.

In 2012 plus-size models now average between a size 6 and size 14.

So the fashion models are getting thinner and even the plus-size fashion models are getting thinner, despite the vast majority of women who say they would prefer models who are more realistic.

In America 50% of women wear a size 14 or larger, but the majority of fashion stores only cater to size 14 or smaller. Even so-called "plus size" stores have a limit on the sizes they have available.

My message?

Support local companies which cater to your size and taste in fashion. Change will never happen if we keep supporting companies which keep making things smaller and smaller.

Let fashion designers and brands know what you think via social networking sites and email them via their websites to let them know how you feel about clothing options.

If more people stop buying at certain stores and let them know you will not be purchasing clothing from them until they market to you, this will get their attention when they see their revenue losses and have to start contemplating store closures.

Support indie designers.

We are bombarded with sexually suggestive ads every day, but there is nothing wrong with our bodies. Our bodies aren't meant to be starved. We're meant to be eating hearty, exercising constantly and have an Amazon / Cavegirl physique. Its being too skinny which is unnatural.

We need to embrace our Amazon side and not be afraid of it.

In other news here is a fun video that may give you some food for thought...